1. |
Help
04:22
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Sometimes I wonder how close I came to losing my life when I was 14. I also wonder how close I'll come to losing my life when I'm 23. I wonder if I'll live to see the kind of man that I am in my forties and I wonder if I'll ever learn to ask for the help I know I need.
When my great grandpa hung himself they told his son "Your dad's in hell." He was a man with a problem. He just needed help.
My uncle died in his sleep. He was a year from retirement. He worried about his family so he worked himself to death. We let these things control us, all our miseries and anxieties. I've learned a bit too much these last few years and I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready.
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2. |
Motel Indiana
03:49
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I appreciate comfortable silences, but those are hard to have through Facebook messages. I have been wishing forever that you and I could play checkers together.
You could line up all your kings the back row and just leave them there. The game would never end, but I wouldn't care. I don't care, no I don't care, no I don't care. I just wish that I could run my fingers through your hair again.
One day I will return to room 22.
The night man will tell me "Just relax."
You can tie the noose.
One day I will return to room 22
of the Motel Indiana
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3. |
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Never in my life had I felt so out of place so I just lit another cigarette and walked away. The kids who moved away never seem to sit quite right with the ones who chose to stay. I got in my car and I might have been driving a little bit too fast. I don't remember. I might have been driving a little bit too drunk. I was too young, too in love. I've always been, and it's always too much, and I'm not sure if I remember how to stand up. I arrived in the forest around 2AM. My hands were getting numb again.
A birthday cake on a picnic table. He couldn't blow out his own candles. The grown ups had been fighting. He was hiding from the echos of "I'm gonna be a big kid soon. I'm gonna be a big kid soon. I'm gonna be just like you."
It was around that time between summer and fall when it's getting colder, but the air still feels kind of humid, and for once I felt kind of human.
I swear I would be on my knees, but God has been ignoring me. I'm so sick of reaching for a hand to nobody. I don't wanna be this way.
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4. |
What do You Mean?
03:35
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You will always mean something. You can watch me fall into your cotton candy dandelion mouth.
You are a Halloween Daydream. You could be my Thanksgiving nightmare. You and me are a bored board game that somebody knocked off the table. If you were here with me we could play the newly wed game and maybe then these mice would crawl out of my ears.
We could play the newly wed game.
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5. |
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I fell in love for the very first time again. We kind of had plans for Friday night, but don't worry about it. I wish I could see you all the time. I just want you back in my life.
I can't figure out why you're not here. I can't figure out why I still am. I can't figure out why you're not here. I can't figure out just who I am.
When I saw you last night I tried so hard to look you in the eye. I don't know why you never say goodbye.
Well, goodnight.
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